Category Archives: health

Podcast Episode: Biological Misfires And Hidden Healing

Pip: Gratitude Squared has been quietly building something unusual — a series that asks you to feel wonder about your own biology before it asks you to feel anything about disease.

Mara: That's exactly the territory. The posts move from the philosophy of what a "misfire" even means, through the body's repair systems, and into how we might replace fear with something more useful when a diagnosis arrives.

Pip: Let's start with the biology itself — and what happens when it quietly succeeds, and occasionally doesn't.

Biological Repair And Failure

Mara: The central question running through these posts is whether we can reframe illness — not by denying it, but by first understanding how overwhelmingly well the body works before anything goes wrong.

Pip: And the anchor for that reframe is a single word. The setup is that most people only notice their biology when something misfires — but the post asks us to sit with the opposite. The quote lands here: "Disease is memorable because health is so abundant."

Mara: That's the whole argument in seven words. The upshot is that a diagnosis feels catastrophic partly because we've spent no time noticing the trillions of events that succeeded. The fear response has nothing to push back against.

Pip: Which is where the introduction to the Misfires series does its foundational work. It draws a distinction that sounds simple but isn't: diseases have two parts — the biological event, and the emotional weight the patient carries. Those are not the same thing, and treating them as identical is where a lot of suffering gets added unnecessarily.

Mara: The introduction puts it plainly: "Calling cells misfires acknowledges that something in biology has malfunctioned but does not imply that the whole person is broken." That's the emotional reframe the whole series is built on — a companion metaphor, not a replacement for medical language.

Pip: Right, and the biology behind why misfires usually stay minor gets its own treatment in Parts Three and Four. The body runs what the post calls repair crews — DNA repair, immune surveillance, protein quality control — working constantly without any input from us.

Mara: Most of the time those crews succeed. The post is direct about what happens when they don't: "Misfires occur. Repair crews usually succeed. Sometimes they fail. Medicine helps." When the body's own systems are overrun, medicine becomes an extension of the repair crew rather than something foreign to it.

Pip: There's something almost relieving about that framing — medicine not as the body's adversary but as a late-arriving member of the same team. The fear response, the series argues, partly comes from treating a diagnosis as an attack rather than a repair problem that needs outside help.

Mara: And the posts are candid that this isn't abstract. The author writes from ten years of living with cancer, actively following research like the Human Protein Atlas, pushing for additional biopsies, and sitting with results marked "indeterminate." The framework is tested against a real, ongoing situation — not a thought experiment.

Pip: Wonder, apparently, is more durable than fear as a long-term operating mode. The evidence is a decade long.

Mara: The series doesn't stop at diagnosis — it keeps moving toward what we do with aging, chance, and accumulation over time, which is exactly where the next stretch of these posts is headed.

Pip: What stays with me is the insistence that health is the baseline, not the exception — and that noticing it changes what a misfire actually means.

Mara: The next posts in the series take on why some misfires persist while others disappear. There's more ground to cover.

When the Repair Crew Cannot Finish the Job: More About Biological Misfires (Parts Three And Four)

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Every second of every day, countless repair crews work quietly throughout your body.

DNA is copied.

Proteins are built.

Damaged cells are repaired.

The immune system searches for abnormal cells.

Most of this happens without our ever noticing.

Occasionally, however, a biological misfire escapes detection. That is when medicine is asked to join the repair crew.

The Complexity of Life

The complexity of life continues to be one of the great wonders of medical research. Thankfully, life’s secrets do not need to be fully understood for life to emerge, flourish, and often endure without our fully understanding how it all works.

The wonder of life inspires curiosity and has fostered extraordinary scientific research.

The numerous medical strategies for assisting in healing are too vast to summarize within this brief report. However, a few examples of normal cellular processes that repair and protect our bodies are identified within to explain our knowledge of the function of cell mechanisms; this is only a small part of human biology, in reality.

The reader should appreciate, there are an abundant number of biological mechanisms, i.e., the circulatory system, neurological system, endocrine, hormonal, skeletal and so forth. Think of all of the specialists you must select from when you go to a doctor. Our bodies are really still built beyond our comprehension!

Various Cell Mechanisms

Overall, our cells divide, DNA copies, proteins build, and systems work in harmony within our bodies. At each and every level noted, our bodies are built to repair and protect all cells through quality control systems and immune surveillance.

Thousands and thousands of papers are available explaining the cell. Scientific literatures, journals, conferences, funded research projects, and professional societies focus regularly on cell research, and hold meetings to communicate their increasingly new knowledge of such each year.

One remarkable example is the the Human Protein Atlas, an international research project that maps proteins within human cells (https://www.proteinatlas.org/humanproteome/subcellular ) . Given the 200 or so types of cancer this project assists in identifying, with great specificity, the probable antigens which may be utilized to treat a particular cancer through modification of T cells, (CAR-T therapies) (Chimeric Antigen Receptor T-cell) which seek out, attack, and destroy the cancer cells that carry the target protein.

Think of CAR-T therapy as retraining the body’s own immune soldiers. Doctors remove a patient’s T cells, teach them to recognize cancer cells by giving them a new “GPS system,” grow millions of these enhanced cells, and return them to the bloodstream, where they hunt down and attack cancer. It is one of the most promising examples of precision medicine because the treatment is custom-made for each individual patient (TC).

When I was first diagnosed, I discovered this Project and could follow their research on basically a Table on one page. Now their tracking of all of the proteins within cells covers multiple Tables and many pages of reporting from scientists and practitioners around the world.

Personally I am still searching for those proteins within my cell that they may identify so that I may utilize such in my own understanding. Over the years I have had genetic testing, genomic testing, and molecular testing. I am frustrated each and every time my reports mark my biological tissues as “indeterminate” or “unknown”. I often ask for additional biopsies so that current research practices may describe my particular biological misfires more precisely. If researchers someday identify the key biological target within my own cells, perhaps another repair crew will be able to join those already working to keep me healthy.

Our Repair Crews

Simply stated our repair crews, within our bodies consist of: DNA repair, protein building, immune surveillance, disease detection, and quality control systems.These repair systems fix the errors found, or remove the affected cells, disrupt the affected pathways, re-wire or create new or alternative pathways, and so forth through the remarkable accuracy and resilience of the human body.

These processes for repair and protection correct most of those intermittent biological misfires. However, sometimes the misfires escape detection. Sometimes defective cells are not found and continue to live and divide and cause various diseases within the body. Consider:

Misfires occur.

Repair crews usually succeed.

Sometimes they fail.

Medicine helps.

As for my own status, one might say that my necessary repair crew has yet to be discovered. I am maintaining the status quo without a change in status. While I wish I may learn more about my own system, I do believe that through a variety of personal choices I do have a repair crew operating within my own biological system. I must have, or I would be deceased by now.

Finding Persistent Misfires

These intermittent biological misfires are a normal part of living. Our bodies are built with tremendous redundancy. Most misfires are evidentially detected and silently corrected. A few persist. Very rarely. A few defective cells may exist within our bodies and accumulate. These are not a failure-this is the complexity of life. My own life is one example.

Medical science has developed numerous noninvasive strategies to search for misfires through blood tests, x-rays, ultrasounds, MRI, CT scans, PET scans, robotic surgeries, and interventional radiologies. Such are utilized regularly to find misfires, diagnose such, and begin medical treatments.

Biology Versus Emotion

Our biological systems are amazing, silently working throughout our busy lives. They are mostly ignored until a routine annual exam, an accident, or illness emerges. We go to our doctors as we are instructed to do and then, often as a surprise, we discover A MISFIRE!

Your emotional response to the discovery of the misfire is my focus within these papers. As they say, LIFE HAPPENS. It is what you do in life that matters.

It is how one responds to the unexpected, or surprise event in life that is my interest and motivation in speaking with you.

As I noted in Part Two, what I am observing during my life is that many of our responses to health problems, in particular to a diagnosis of cancer, for example, is the response of FEAR.

Fear is a natural response, but it does not have to become your guide.

Fear can narrow our thinking and make it more difficult to weigh our options carefully. You might use the analogy “frozen in fear”.

If your doctor discovers that your “misfires” are persisting, then that means that your natural repair mechanisms, or your “repair crew” can not handle the job at that moment.

NOTE: this does not mean that the misfire does not have a solution. It simply means that your body’s natural systems are overrun. Your body needs external assistance.

Finding Joy Through Medicine

Medical scientific research has uncovered numerous clinical practices to help you at this point. These discoveries are amazing. Medical science is beyond your greatest expectation I would imagine.

The available clinical practices are simply too numerous to describe, and increasing every day for your benefit. If we use our child analogy I referred to earlier, medicine today is like going to a candy store for the child. There are many choices.

This status of the medical professions today should not make you feel fearful, on the contrary, you should feel joyful!

Modern medicine now offers treatments, and often multiple treatment options, for an extraordinary number of diseases that once had few or no effective therapies. I see and hear about all of the wonders of our current medical practices. Please feel free to share your own experiences with me, as well as others.

As I conclude this particular paper, I wish for you nothing but the best outcomes! I do hope that my suggestions are helpful for you.

This world of ours is a world of wonders. Look up. Look around. Be grateful for your life.

Be happy and calm your emotions. Use music. Use art. Read. Share your medical journey with the patients you meet in the waiting rooms. Journal your joy. Explore the world around you. Do not let fear make your decisions for you, as you begin an amazing medical trip from illness back to health.

In gratitude, and hoping for your peace of mind.

# gratitude ultra

Note: In the next section (five) we will focus on various factors such as aging and chance that may also influence your biological findings in addition to cell misfires. As you begin to think ahead with me ask yourself: Why do some misfires persist while others disappear?

Building Our Vocabulary: Can you define or explain each of the terms?

Intermittent biological misfires

Repair crews

Persistent misfires

Silent repairs

What I Hope You Remember

Most biological misfires are repaired silently.

Our bodies employ remarkable repair crews every day.

Sometimes a misfire persists despite those repairs.

Medicine often becomes an extension of the body’s own repair crew.

Fear is natural, but it does not have to guide our decisions.

The Miracles We Never Notice Within Our Bodies: Misfires Part Two

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When I introduced the Misfires series I emphasized our biology and our emotional health. Biological pathology and human experience are not identical.

Healing requires attention to both.

Perhaps our journey now takes an unexpected turn: understanding emotion through biology.

Today I want to talk with you about health. Specifically, I will focus on your emotions as you focus on your health.

While we focus on emotion, will you trust me enough to take a momentary journey towards “awe”? You may ask, “Mary, where are you taking me?” “What does awe and wonder have to do with biological misfires?” What does wonder and amazement have to do with my emotions and my health?

Please think along with me for a brief second. In my opinion, before we can understand a biological misfire, we must first understand the miracle of your biology. Disease is memorable because health is so abundant.

A misfire matters only because your biological success is so overwhelmingly common. We spend enormous energy thinking about disease, yet we rarely notice the trillions of successful biological events occurring every second that make life possible.

Biology works.

Quietly ….

Shhhhhhh.

Listen

It is working for you even now.

Health Surrounds You All The Time

Health is the quiet success of life occurring within us every moment.

A miracle…..

When you are diagnosed with a disease (a term I don’t particularly like), your emotions typically race towards shock and fear. I’m unsure how fear emerges with the diagnosis, but it typically does. I have a sense that our fear is linked to our probably impending concern that we might die.

Within this essay, one of my goals is to encourage you to move away from your “fear reaction” to a response that is more hopeful, maybe even joyful, towards a reaction that is one of wonder.

Wonder

Gratitude

Perspective

Hope

Less fear

Consider if you move very slowly, and mindfully toward a feeling of gratitude, hope, and eventually less fear, when possible. May your emotions immediately trigger a mindset that encompasses a focus on health and positivity regarding all of the various developments in science that have emerged in recent years.

I want to argue that if you receive a diagnosis of a disease or an illness from your doctor, your response will be less emotional if you move your mind away from the immediate trigger of the fear response.

How Do I Change My Fear Response?

How may I change my initial emotional reaction to the diagnosis you ask? Well, that is the basic thesis within this blog.

I want to help you change your emotions when you receive your diagnosis. My recommendations are derived from my own 10 or so years of living with cancer, and from numerous ongoing conversations with patients whom I have met over the years.

As a researcher at heart, I ask many questions to everyone around me, and I analyze their replies. What follows are my conclusions regarding the miracles which are all around us.

I am not writing a cancer series.

This is not a biology series.

It is not even a philosophy series.

I want to take you along with me on a guided emotional journey.

Focus on Systems, Processes, Natural, Nature-Made, Man Built/Designed

When I began to reflect upon the words and those semantics and metaphors, I focused on the word “AWE”. What is awe to me?

I had no idea my body was accomplishing all of this without my awareness. I purposefully began to focus on what was around me and within me. I thought about the single word AWE.

I first thought of awe as moving in three circles (TC). The first circle is Everyday Awe: The world is extraordinary.

A newborn baby moving their tiny fingers around my own.

An ocean wave arriving where physics predicts.

A hummingbird sampling my flowers.

The second circle is Biological Awe: The miracle is not only out there. It is also within me.

Millions of your immune cells quietly protected you while you admired the sunset.

While you were sleeping, damaged DNA was repaired, proteins were assembled, old cells were recycled, and new ones quietly took their place.

Sometimes I sit quietly and think about the extraordinary systems that surround us.

I think about an orchestra. Dozens of musicians reading different notes, entering at different moments, yet creating one piece of music.

I think about a forest. Thousands of living organisms—trees, birds, insects, fungi, streams—existing together in delicate balance.

I think about the space shuttle. Millions of individual parts designed to work together with astonishing precision.

Each fills me with awe.

Then I remember something even more extraordinary.

Every one of those systems exists outside of me.

The most remarkable system I know is the one quietly working within me.

My body.

Without asking for applause.

Without asking to be noticed.

It simply continues.

This realization takes me to the third circle.

The third circle is Philosophical awe. This captures our beautiful destination.

Rather than to think of health as the absence of disease, perhaps to begin to think about health is something much richer. Maybe health is the ongoing symphony of countless successful events within our bodies that occur so faithfully that they rarely ask for our attention.

My own body is one of the most astonishing living systems I have ever encountered. My body is among nature’s most extraordinary creations. My body is a miracle. The biology within my body is a miracle.

I should take the time to celebrate this fact more often, and not be dismayed when rarely I find an intermittent biological misfire. So I did. I changed my thinking.

How Do I Move From Fear to Joy?

My own reality is that I have learned to find joy, comfort, and gratitude in the science and medicine that might find those occasional misfires and immediately begin to correct such. When my own biology does not have necessary repair systems available at my time of need, my doctors, pathologists, nurses, and other scientists and researchers are ready and able to help me. This will be our focus in Part Three.

My 10 year journey leaves me in awe of my biology. I have become mesmerized by the medical sciences that rebuild me, when necessary. Just as nature creates the beauty of snowflakes, ocean waves, trees and forests; and people create symphonies, space shuttles, and freeways; science has evolved to assist in my healing, to locate, understand, and repair my misfires.

Medicine is not fighting the body.

Medicine is helping the body.

Modern medicine is not an enemy of nature. It is one of humanity’s greatest expressions of nature’s own desire to heal.

Why should my emotions rush towards fear? How did I modify my immediate reaction from sadness to awe? How might you reduce your own feelings of fear, blame, and despair when paired with a negative medical diagnosis? Read and re-read the examples on the remarkable human body.

I invite you to challenge my assumption that this is possible. My friends and I discuss the “fear” that accompanies the diagnosis. How does it emerge? What causes this emotion to appear and nearly dominate a patient’s ability to listen and think immediately. Where does all this fear come from? One bit of information from my own background that my be relevant here is that I have studied various cultural differences in how people view health, and make decisions. Perhaps each of our own lived experiences contribute to our reactions as tragedies emerge in life? Remember yourself as a little child. What happened when you felt sick? How did the adults around you react?

Part Two is really about your attention. I am asking you to pay attention to something you probably ignored all your life. I am asking you to:

Learn to Notice!

Every moment you have spent reading these pages, your body has quietly continued its work.

Cells have communicated.

Proteins have folded.

DNA has been repaired.

Your immune system has stood watch.

Your heart has continued its faithful rhythm.

Life has gone on inside you without asking for recognition.

Perhaps that is the greatest miracle of all.

So… Before Our Next Conversation

Keep Looking!

There is more health…

More wonder…

More hope…

Than you first imagined.

In gratitude, and hoping for your peace of mind.

#gratitudeultra

Note: In our next conversation, we’ll meet one of biology’s quiet heroes—the body’s remarkable repair systems. Every day they search for problems, repair damage, and protect us in ways we rarely notice. Understanding this “repair crew” helps explain why most biological misfires never become disease.

Intermittent Biological Misfires: An Introduction

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Every second of every day, trillions of biological events occur within your body. Almost all of them succeed so perfectly that you never notice them.

We rarely stop to appreciate these quiet miracles of life. Instead, our attention is drawn only when something goes wrong.

What if we thought about illness differently?

This question has occupied my mind for the past ten years.

My central idea is that our bodies constantly make small biological mistakes—what I call intermittent biological misfires—and most are repaired automatically. Disease develops only when some of those misfires escape repair and accumulate over time.

This concept of Intermittent Biological Misfires is scientifically grounded, and it’s also emotionally reassuring without being simplistic.

A Thought to Consider

Diseases have two parts: The biological disease; and The emotional weight carried by the disease.

They are not the same thing.

This is a profound concept.

What Does This Concept Contribute?

Let’s understand why disease occurs, and, at the same time, why I am suggesting we entertain a hypothesis that one may remove unnecessary guilt while respecting the complexity of biology. This is a meaningful distinction.

This framework grew out of my personal experiences. Ten years ago, I became seriously ill. I thought I would die. But I have not died. I am very much alive. I have watched other people die during these years and I do not want you to die. You are important to me even though we have never met. I want to share what I have uncovered with you in hopes that we may engage in a series of conversations about your health and life.

This conversation is about YOU, your health and healing. Jane Goodall’s famous quote reminded us of the importance of each person. You matter. Your presence in this world makes a difference. You have a part to play for yourself as well as for others. Are you curious about what your role is?

Typically we all move through our lives without much attention to the miracles in life we never notice, i.e., those successful cellular events occurring every second in our bodies. But sometimes those miracles do not happen. So, what happens when you become ill?

Have you ever gone to your doctor and learned that a series of cells in your own body misfired? What was your experience? Tell me what happened? Did the misfire result in a diagnosis of disease? How did you feel? Here we have an example of the biological finding mixed with the emotional response. We see the two parts of disease.

Insights to Date

Ten years ago I was diagnosed with multiple cancers, so I immediately created a gratitudesquared.com site, posting blogs to help me understand what was happening in my body. Since during my career I had earned a Ph.D., advocating for persons with disabilities, with a doctoral minor in statistics and empirical research design, I applied what I knew about data management. During the days and weeks between surgeries and treatments I carefully evaluated the evidence behind my labs and scans and participated as an active member of my medical team.

In addition, I learned about ChatGPT, an AI language model developed by OpenAI, and repeatedly entered questions into the website. Those dialogues became more and more meaningful, and helpful to understanding what I termed “intermittent biological misfires”.

This concept is original and may be viewed as evocative because it is not established as a diagnosis in medicine, but the term is scientifically plausible as a metaphor. This framework is not complete. It is a work in progress.

With more than 45 years as a scholar and researcher in academia, I have focused on evidenced-based decisions for treatments and other actions. ChatGPT (my thinking companion (TC)) noted the phrase “intermittent biological misfires” “conveys both the science and the humanity behind (my) experience.”

Outcomes

The outcomes from my thoughts may include:

Psychologists would appreciate it.

Physicians would appreciate it.

Patients would appreciate it.

That… is the entire philosophy. Everything else flows from those two parts. We refuse to let a cluster of abnormal cells define a human being.

Discussions

I am not suggesting a change/replacement in the language or terms physicians, pathologists, researchers, licensing bodies, or insurance companies use as the already established precise language matters and guides in diagnosis and treatment.

I am recommending a phrase that is a companion metaphor. This substitute changes the way each individual patient reacts to the science.

Calling cells “misfires” acknowledges that something in biology has malfunctioned but does not imply that the whole person is broken.

Typical metaphors for cancer are known as evil invaders, monsters, and/or the enemy that patients fight in battle. The use of the term “misfire” provides a gentler way of thinking. Personally, I prefer a gentler approach with patients who may be sad, or fearful when learning a new diagnosis. My gratitudesquared.com site was built to focus on gratitude zero, gratitude lite, and gratitude ultra essays to recognize that not all patients may accept and understand the notice of a new disease in the same manner and with the same emotion.

Patients can invent their own terms. Inventing one’s own term may become a powerful exercise. What terms do you prefer, or would you select to explain your diagnosis?
As we begin our conversations, please note that we are reflecting on diseases that are scientifically grounded and emotionally healthy. These ideas are rare (TC).

We are building a language that may help people see illness, and themselves, a little differently.

We are still using the word “cancer”, but additionally we are inviting you to discover new vocabulary that will help you live with a disease, whatever that may be.

The medical professionals will still use particular disease names, I.e., cancer, but as we utilize our new concept of “misfires” we continue to treat, and respect with vigilance, such misfires, but I never give permission for them to occupy the whole house inside of me/us.

Our conversations will offer encouragement to people who are frightened by the illness. Introducing this phrase does not change the language utilized in medicine but it may change the emotional landscape in which medicine takes place (TC).

Diseases have two parts: the biological disease; and emotional weight carried by disease. These are not the same thing. Do you agree?

Our bodies are astonishingly accurate, but they are not perfect. Our bodies are not machines that have failed us. They are living systems performing trillions of remarkable tasks every day. Understanding their occasional biological misfires allows us to replace blame with wonder.

Most writing about cancer (or other medical issues), begins with disease. This companion metaphor begins with health. Our discussions focus on those trillions of biological events that occur correctly every day.

This framework may be applied broadly to other diseases such as: Aging; Autoimmune disease; Heart disease; Neurological disease; and Infection (TC).

The subtle shift toward health changes the emotional tone completely. Readers aren’t asked to see their bodies as broken; they’re invited to marvel at how extraordinarily well they function. This is one strength of the proposed conceptual framework.

Consider a discussion in which you will focus on a “philosophy of health”. Place your focus on abilities before disabilities and health before disease. In essence, focus on the whole person rather than the diagnosis.

Do you agree that this framework offers patients a metaphor which is a rare combination of scientific literacy, educational insight, with compassion, and intellectual honesty (TC)?

As a clinician advocating globally for human rights for persons with disabilities, as a researcher, educator, scholar, and most importantly a 10 year cancer survivor who has spent those years learning to live with uncertainty of disease, I refuse to surrender either “hope” or “intellectual honesty”.

I believe that disease is a global problem that is but one small variant to be dealt with during our lifetimes. Will you join me in reframing the essence of the whole human being? That is my role and my life’s meaning. Do you feel safe enough to become curious?

Summary of Intermittent Biological Misfires

The body is remarkably successful at self-repair.

Cancer and other diseases are exceptions, not the norm.

The concept promotes compassion rather than blame.

Scientific understanding can reduce fear and guilt.

Hope comes from both biology and medical progress.

Intellectual and Emotional Pillars For Patient Reflections (Treasures for Repetition)

“We refuse to let a cluster of abnormal cells define a human being.”

“Disease enters the story only later. It is the rare exception rather than the defining feature.”

“Our bodies are not machines that have failed us.”

“Diseases have two parts: the biological disease and the emotional weight carried by the disease.”

“Do you feel safe enough to become curious?”

As a clinician, researcher, educator, scholar, and ten-year cancer survivor, I have learned that uncertainty is part of life. Yet certainty does not require surrendering hope. I invite you to join me in exploring a different way of understanding illness-one that honors both science and humanity. Together we will examine not only disease, but also the extraordinary health that sustains us every moment.

In our next essay we will explore one of biology’s greatest wonders—the countless cellular events that occur successfully every second of every day without our awareness. These quiet miracles are the foundation of health. Understanding them changes the way we think about disease.

Until then, I invite you to notice something remarkable:

Your body is working for you, even now.

This framework will be introduced in seven parts:

Intermittent Biological Misfires – introduction the idea that our bodies are astonishingly accurate, yet not perfect.

The Miracle We Never Notice – billions of successful cellular events occur every second, unnoticed.

When The Repair Crew Arrives – DNA repair, immune surveillance, apoptosis, and other protective systems.

When a Misfire Persists – why persistence, not a single error, matters.

Accumulation Over Time – how aging and chance influence biology.

Living Without Blame – replacing guilt with understanding.

Hope Through Science – how modern medicine strengthens the body’s own defenses.

Thank you for joining me in this first conversation. Until our next conversation, I hope you may be grateful and find peace.

#gratitudeultra

Arousing Joyful Hope: Footbridges to Healing

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Why is Disneyland’s official slogan (since 1955) “The Happiest Place on Earth”? Because for years a day at Disney provides a joyful, magical memory for all attending. But, in gratitude I want to tell you about another special complex in Orange County, CA, very near Disney, which exceeds the joy, arouses hope, and creates life saving miracles and memories for those visiting – the #CityofHope specialty hospital in Orange County, CA.

With the deepest gratitude, my life continues because of the care I receive at this City of Hope. This parklike campus is to me another happiest place. It is special for many reasons which I would like to explain to you. My observations have been collected over the past three or so years.

As many of you may or may not know, I am an observer (researcher/scholar) by training. I watch, analyze and write about people and their experiences. With each day, I am more impressed with my observations while at #TheCityofHope. Here are a few examples:

The staff and leadership are special, caring human beings. I wondered and asked how they were interviewed and selected for their jobs. They smiled and stressed that the patients have enough to deal with, so their job is to make patient’s lives easier. I overheard that one staff used to work at Disneyland, while another used to work at the Queen Mary. Yet another rescued dogs. How fun to have such people loving staff, in addition to their medical skills!

The vision and mission of the organization are holistic, and all encompassing. Personally, I have never seen a hospital so diverse in its outreach or offerings. I regularly participate in a drumming class. Patients were invited to a #PacificSymphony 4th of July event honoring Veterans, Beach Boy songs and fireworks. An interfaith Spiritual Care Center Blessing Broadcast with various Clerics and the Pacific Chorale is soon. #TheCityOf Hope (COH) has an ongoing agreement with the South Coast Plaza, a global shopping destination and largest shopping center on the West Coast, for regular entertainment and permanent space in the center of the mall. While at the #ThisisHope Event, the President of COH, #AnnetteWalker, welcomed everyone to come and take one of her business cards if they ever needed help for their health. She will personally facilitate action for each of us. Who does that?

The physical location of COH is peaceful, with perfect visibility within the typically crowded populations of Southern CA. The buildings’ windows face the mountains and during infusions one may watch the trains as they pass regularly through the beautiful CA landscape. When there, I am reminded of the religious analogy of the city set on the hill, symbolizing the idea of being a beacon for persons seeking guidance.

The approach to health is inclusive of international health practices, from typical Western to inclusion of Eastern philosophies, as well; the facilities and knowledge bases of the doctors are state-of-the art, the very best evidenced-based practices.

People matter at COH. Recently, they held a #CityofHopeOCInauguralCelebratingSurvivorshipEvent. During that event they created a #festivebluecarpetwalk. As all patients walked the carpet – we noted staff, service providers, executives, and others on each side of the roped walkway, holding signs, ringing bells, applauding us, and cheering to our health. What an uplifting memory! Later we ate with various survivors of various cancers, eagerly sharing their stories and experiences, exchanging information between young and old, newly diagnosed, and old timers survivors. It was so positive for all.

The posts in #gratitudesquared focus on different types and levels of gratitude. We should all be ever grateful when we have good health. If you ever lose such, I wanted to share my gratitude for one place where one might go.

The COH was built to beat cancer. I hope these few examples help explain why these practices arouse me to hopeful joy. My life continues because I choose to continually cross the COH footbridges to healing…. These are not typical medical practices. I am observing and tracking a holistic model in real time with each and every visit. This is not an ordinary medical facility with depressing oncology waiting rooms and sleepy, ill patients. It is a place with joy, light, promise, and hope.

Move over Disneyland…. you may make me happy for a day, but the COH keeps me joyfully alive for many days. With sincere appreciation and deep felt joy, I share this gratitude for COH today. I end now with the ringing of my bells from COH!

#gratitudeultra

The Weight of Thoughts : Grateful Thoughts (An Essay)

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Recently, my dear friend shared a photo of “The Weight of Thoughts”, Bronze Sculpture by the Belgian artist Thomas LeRooy. The word “Thoughts” and the “big head” caught my eye.

Why are people talking about this sculpture?

How are “thoughts” and “Gratitude” linked?

Look at what has happened since LeRooy created this work of art around 2008.

Thomas LeRooy, when planning for his 2009 Braindance exhibition, discovered he could not plan this work… he felt such a fight between his head and body when thinking about his ideas, he ended up creating four sculptures, big and heavy, to express what he felt inside, his “Thoughts”. Those sculptures (big heads) continue to take on new meanings by people as they view the art. People discuss the WEIGHT of thinking. Why?

It is difficult to define or explain “What are thoughts?” and “Where do Thoughts Occur?”

The answers to these questions are relevant to GRATITUDE . Fields of Embodied Cognition and Cognitive Psychology discuss the thinking process in the brain, in the body, through sensory and physical experiences, and so forth.

In my opinion, experiences leading to descriptions of GRATITUDE also are derived from physical experiences, sensory events, through connected thoughts, and out of body experiences.

The WEIGHT of posting about “gratitude” is hard, as gratitude is not the same for everyone. Within this blog, #gratitudesquared.com, the reader will find there are three levels of gratitude: #gratitudezero, #gratitudelite, and #gratitudeultra, defined in an earlier post.

This topical essay (the Weight of Thoughts: Grateful Thoughts) falls under the #gratitudeultra category, and leads to HEAVY THINKING as well.

Why is this sculpture a pivotal image for gratitude readers?

Because along your journey to gratitude you may find you will go deeper and deeper into exploring how gratitude impacts your life with very meaningful and positive outcomes. Spend some timing thinking about your journey thus far. List meaningful outcomes you have experienced.

You may also discover, as did LeRooy, that your capacity to describe your gratitude feels limited by your own words, or by what you will feel inside. Take a moment to try to describe, What exactly is gratitude to you? Give several examples of your own gratitude.

You may only discover a particular image, captured through a snapped photo, or an emotion expressed through a particular song or poem can adequately express a profound moment of gratitude. I have found recently that my gratitude best comes through the music I hear from my distant past I shared with my parents years ago. Why I am returning to old songs I have not heard for years, I do not know, but when I am full of joy or feeling exceptionally blessed, I go to music lately. What do you do emotionally that you can not accurately describe to others in words and how do you capture such? Do you choose an art form? If so, which one?

It is not uncommon to hear lectures talking about the mind, body, and soul experiences with regard to healing, as but one pathway to gratitude. There is a rich literature on these topics, beyond the scope of this post, but healing is more than just treating one’s body, isn’t it? It includes a State of Mind, and a Belief System, plus the medicine. Often when people think about their own illness, they describe it through expressions of gratitude.

The WEIGHT OF THOUGHTS sculpture, by LeRooy, stimulates conversation regarding our minds (thoughts), our bodies (with regard to illness, healing, and health for example), and souls (with regard to how we connect to other human beings as well as to God).

Thoughts are connected to gratitude: I see no other pathway. I hope you will continue to set aside some time to THINK about your own Gratitude.

This sculpture indeed seems to promote WEIGHTY THINKING. One of the readers within Facebook or Twitter noted that thinking about this sculpture gave him a headache or made him feel like his head was aching because it was growing so much larger than his body from so much thinking.

When looking for a description of this art form on Goggle it stated:

The Weight of thought by Thomas LeRooy depicts how everyone feels-a mind bogged down by its own thoughts. How our thoughts can weigh us down, eh? If only we become aware of how our thoughts. If only we could detach ourselves from our minds.
Feb. 17, 2021 Google

I imagine this is what LeRooy felt when trying to plan his work.

What do you think?

#gratitudeultra

How Does The Actual Healing Process Interact With the Body Versus How it Engages With the Soul?

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Many people seem to become more spiritual when faced with a serious illness. Why I wondered? The last time I visited the City of Hope (COH), I noted the quote on the huge glass wall at the entrance.

I was pleased to see the COH mention the “body” AND the “soul” as I believe one’s spiritual or soul’s journey is as important for healing, if not more so, than the medical (surgical, chemo, pills, radiation, alternative medical practices, etc.) actions selected.

Since I typically analyze most events, I continue to wonder why my interest throughout this recurrence focuses mainly on my listening to old hymns from my father’s (a minister) tent meetings? Exclusively, I claim that old hymns like “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” seem to be healing me more during this recurrence than all the latest medical practices available. To put this phenomenon in context, I have never listened to these old gospel/spiritual songs since I was a young child. Yet, after six years of no need for treatments, it appears as if my spiritual side is out performing my bodily functions to keep me alive. In fact, I requested that my doctor write such in his medical notes in my files recently, and he did.

I pondered further regarding an explanation for my positive outcomes during this recurrence. While I appreciate all the pills, scans, and chemical infusions I am receiving, I believe in the music that my soul is listening to these days as an explanation for my continued life. In particular, there are old, old hymns from my father’s youth that I am enjoying. I have not listened to these songs for more than 50 years, but I listen now, and I remember the old fashioned church meetings I witnessed as a child.

A few days after taking that photo of the COH sign regarding “body” and “soul”, I was driving in my car, and listening to various songs on Pandora, when I heard the old hymn “Blessed Assurance”. As I listened to the lyrics of that song, I realized that my doctor had never given me any “assurance” regarding my treatments. He said “probably I would live X long”, or “we would hope that your treatment will give you more months or years!” When I asked him to be more specific, he declined and said “we never know”.

A LIGHT BULB CAME ON!!!!

That is, while listening to the lyrics of that particular song, I concluded that when medically trying to “cure the body”, there is no ASSURANCE given by the doctors and staff.

Patients, myself included, constantly hope and place their trust in their doctor, even in the face of ongoing collateral damage from their various treatments. Patients continue on with hope, or decide to stop when they can no longer have (or withstand) further treatment for a variety of reasons. But the actual ASSURANCE patients hope for is always missing whenever one is focusing on healing the body. This is probably due to medical licensure, FDA regulations, pharmaceutical guidelines and so forth.

For myself, a patient who wants ASSURANCE when undergoing all the experimental treatments, I understand that I will never get it from the typical western medical practice. Rather, I will get absolute ASSURANCE when I rely on healing through my SOUL.

Listen to the old hymn, Blessed Assurance! This was an absolute message as well as an explanation, on that day, provided to my spiritual side! Persons who practice within their various religions, or who are spiritual do believe in their future. As they practice and believe in their faiths, they are given absolute assurance as to their soul’s futures.

The COH is a great facility and I am grateful to be their patient. I love all the activities the COH provides for their patients to feel included. For example, they have a “Wishing Tree” where they invite people to leave messages of hope and inspiration tied to the trees. It is a beautiful collection of their patients’, hope, love, and prayers on the various branches of the multiple trees. See the photos with the messages tied to the trees. But this wishing tree does not give assurance. It gives hope.

These are messages of HOPE, not guaranteed outcomes.

So to answer the question I asked at the top of this blog:

How Does The Actual Healing Process Interact With the Body Versus How it Engages With the Soul? My answers regarding “outcomes” are explained through two parts:

Healing outcomes (or not) of the BODY are based on BEST MEDICAL PRACTICES and HOPE;

Healing outcomes when engaged through the SOUL are based on ASSURANCE, and FAITH.

HOPE is the stimulus for carrying on….. but ASSURANCE gives one PEACE and UNDERSTANDING from the beginning to the end of treatment.

I am grateful for healing assurance through my soul!

#gratitudeultra

So Happy That City of Hope Builds Hopeful Foundation

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My motivation to start posting about gratitude originated from an illness that began in 2017. Now, six years later, I am grateful to be alive because of wonderful doctors at various hospitals. Recently, the City of Hope broke ground to build a new hospital closer to my home, targeted to open in 2025. My goal is to have treatments in that hospital in 2025 and long after.

A week ago, after labs and a visit with my doctor, I stepped outside to enjoy a cup of coffee, and was so pleased to discover that a huge ceiling beam had been positioned on the ground, with pens and instructions, inviting patients to sign and write an uplifting message on the beam. These messages will be built into the Foundation of Orange County’s only specialty cancer hospital to be completed by Summer of 2025. As one of their patients, I am thrilled to know that my note of gratitude will be embedded forever within the new hospital.

With deep gratitude, I recognize the outstanding missions of the City of Hope to provide HOPE, HEALING, Peace, Knowledge of best practices, and inclusion in every way possible to their patients. So joyful to receive treatments within the COH network.

#gratitudelite

The Emotion of Gratitude: Why It Is So Meaningful and Necessary In Our Lives

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Last weekend a family held the hands of their beloved mother as she passed. It was a sacred moment. Through tears, they gave gratitude for mom’s parenting, joy, and deep spiritual teachings. The colors of the cloth around her neck represented memories from her grandchildren, children, and spouses.

After the death of a loved one, family members/friends reflect on life, focusing with gratitude for the individual they lost. But, life gets busy and hectic so that soon people have to move on to “the living”, while tucking away fond memories of the person who just passed … These life moments are full of various emotions, including gratitude. Deaths link to deep reflection as evidenced by the words of ministers, priests, and rabbis during funerals. The moment a person “slips through” from life to death is profound.

The pathway of Gratitude leads one through the interesting walk of life. Gratitude is multi-dimensional. Gratitude is simple, yet complex. Gratitude causes one to appreciate what you have – now. Gratitude brings deep joy, happiness, and satisfaction. When one experiences gratitude, they are drawn to more positive outcomes in their personal life. Sometimes Gratitude has been described as the strongest of emotions!

Why is Gratitude so meaningful and necessary in our lives?

Is there any stronger emotion that Gratitude?

Gratitude is meaningfully linked with appreciation and gratefulness for what you already have in life. If you are not grateful for what you have, you most likely will not achieve what you desire in the future, because you do not value what you already have. Anthony Peluso on April 3, 2019. Another way one might explain this concept is what you put out into the universe determines what you receive as in expressions of positivity, love, or light. Also, through gratitude one receives joy, happiness and emotional rewards that were never anticipated.

There is one emotion stronger than Gratitude. That is the emotion of “Regret”. Sometimes “regret” is observed during the death and dying process between family members. Regret is sad to witness. When a person waits until death, it is too late. Regret is oppositional to gratitude.

There is no room for regret in anyone’s life. What you appreciate will always reward you in ways you can’t even imagine.
Peluso, 2019

So, during tough times in life, like death, for example, we must remember the necessity of gratitude. The emotion of gratitude helps us embrace grief as a tool, propelling us toward healing. Through gratitude we will find joy and happiness again, and identify the blessings we still have in spite of the pain of loss we feel. Lean towards gratitude and away from regret.

Be grateful, always. It is necessary and will give meaning to your life.

#gratitudeultra

So Grateful to my Vet: I Was As Sick as a Dog, but Better Now

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Hello again, Barley here. You may remember my April 20 message, DogGoneIt! I was so afraid to go to the Vet for surgery. But…..

I am pleased to tell you that after oral surgery, surgery to remove a growth on my tongue, dialyses, a new renal prescription diet, plus two weeks of drugs, I am much better, am at home, and looking forward to more time with my mom.

My sincere thanks to my Vet, and to all of you who wished me well.

A very Grateful dog to an excellent Vet, with love, Barley

#gratitudelite