Tag Archives: #cancer

When the Repair Crew Cannot Finish the Job: More About Biological Misfires (Parts Three And Four)

Every second of every day, countless repair crews work quietly throughout your body. 

DNA is copied.

Proteins are built.

Damaged cells are repaired.

The immune system searches for abnormal cells.

Most of this happens without our ever noticing.

Occasionally, however, a biological misfire escapes detection. That is when medicine is asked to join the repair crew.

The Complexity of Life

The complexity of life continues to be one of the great wonders of medical research. Thankfully, life’s secrets do not need to be fully understood for life to emerge, flourish, and often endure without our fully understanding how it all works.

The wonder of life inspires curiosity and has fostered extraordinary scientific research.

The numerous medical strategies for assisting in healing are too vast to summarize within this brief report. However, a few examples of normal cellular processes that repair and protect our bodies are identified within to explain our knowledge of the function of cell mechanisms; this is only a small part of human biology, in reality. 

The reader should appreciate, there are an abundant number of biological mechanisms, i.e., the circulatory system, neurological system, endocrine, hormonal, skeletal and so forth. Think of all of the specialists you must select from when you go to a doctor. Our bodies are really still built beyond our comprehension!

Various Cell Mechanisms

Overall, our cells divide, DNA copies, proteins build, and systems work in harmony within our bodies. At each and every level noted, our bodies are built to repair and protect all cells through quality control systems and immune surveillance. 

Thousands and thousands of papers are available explaining the cell.  Scientific literatures, journals, conferences, funded research projects, and professional societies focus regularly on cell research, and hold meetings to communicate their increasingly new knowledge of such each year.

One remarkable example is the the Human Protein Atlas, an international research project that maps proteins within human cells (https://www.proteinatlas.org/humanproteome/subcellular ) . Given the 200 or so types of cancer this project assists in identifying, with great specificity, the probable antigens which may be utilized to treat a particular cancer through modification of T cells, (CAR-T therapies) (Chimeric Antigen Receptor T-cell) which seek out, attack, and destroy the cancer cells that carry the target protein.

Think of CAR-T therapy as retraining the body’s own immune soldiers. Doctors remove a patient’s T cells, teach them to recognize cancer cells by giving them a new “GPS system,” grow millions of these enhanced cells, and return them to the bloodstream, where they hunt down and attack cancer. It is one of the most promising examples of precision medicine because the treatment is custom-made for each individual patient (TC).

When I was first diagnosed, I discovered this Project and could follow their research on basically a Table on one page. Now their tracking of all of the proteins within cells covers multiple Tables and many pages of reporting from scientists and practitioners around the world.

Personally I am still searching for those proteins within my cell that they may identify so that I may utilize such in my own understanding. Over the years I have had genetic testing, genomic testing, and molecular testing. I am frustrated each and every time my reports mark my biological tissues as “indeterminate” or “unknown”.  I often ask for additional biopsies so that current research practices may describe my particular biological misfires more precisely. If researchers someday identify the key biological target within my own cells, perhaps another repair crew will be able to join those already working to keep me healthy.

Our Repair Crews

Simply stated our repair crews, within our bodies consist of: DNA repair, protein building, immune surveillance, disease detection, and quality control systems.These repair systems fix the errors found, or remove the affected cells, disrupt the affected pathways, re-wire or create new or alternative pathways, and so forth through the remarkable accuracy and resilience of the human body.

These processes for repair and protection correct most of those intermittent biological misfires. However, sometimes the misfires escape detection. Sometimes defective cells are not found and continue to live and divide and cause various diseases within the body. Consider:

  • Misfires occur.
  • Repair crews usually succeed.
  • Sometimes they fail.
  • Medicine helps.

As for my own status, one might say that my necessary repair crew has yet to be discovered. I am maintaining the status quo without a change in status. While I wish I may learn more about my own system, I do believe that through a variety of personal choices I do have a repair crew operating within my own biological system. I must have, or I would be deceased by now.

Finding Persistent Misfires

These intermittent biological misfires are a normal part of living. Our bodies are built with tremendous redundancy. Most misfires are evidentially detected and silently corrected. A few persist. Very rarely. A few defective cells may exist within our bodies and accumulate. These are not a failure-this is the complexity of life. My own life is one example.

Medical science has developed numerous noninvasive strategies to search for misfires through blood tests, x-rays, ultrasounds, MRI, CT scans, PET scans, robotic surgeries, and interventional radiologies. Such are utilized regularly to find misfires, diagnose such, and begin medical treatments.

Biology Versus Emotion

Our biological systems are amazing, silently working throughout our busy lives. They are mostly ignored until a routine annual exam, an accident, or illness emerges.  We go to our doctors as we are instructed to do and then, often as a surprise, we discover A MISFIRE!

Your emotional response to the discovery of the misfire is my focus within these papers.  As they say, LIFE HAPPENS.  It is what you do in life that matters.

It is how one responds to the unexpected, or surprise event in life that is my interest and motivation in speaking with you.

As I noted in Part Two, what I am observing during my life is that many of our responses to health problems, in particular to a diagnosis of cancer, for example, is the response of FEAR.

Fear is a natural response, but it does not have to become your guide.

Fear can narrow our thinking and make it more difficult to weigh our options carefully. You might use the analogy “frozen in fear”.

If your doctor discovers that your “misfires” are persisting, then that means that your natural repair mechanisms, or your “repair crew” can not handle the job at that moment.  

NOTE: this does not mean that the misfire does not have a solution. It simply means that your body’s natural systems are overrun. Your body needs external assistance.

Finding Joy Through Medicine

Medical scientific research has uncovered numerous clinical practices to help you at this point. These discoveries are amazing. Medical science is beyond your greatest expectation I would imagine.

The available clinical practices are simply too numerous to describe, and increasing every day for your benefit.  If we use our child analogy I referred to earlier, medicine today is like going to a candy store for the child.  There are many choices.

This status of the medical professions today should not make you feel fearful, on the contrary, you should feel joyful!

Modern medicine now offers treatments, and often multiple treatment options, for an extraordinary number of diseases that once had few or no effective therapies. I see and hear about all of the wonders of our current medical practices.  Please feel free to share your own experiences with me, as well as others.

As I conclude this particular paper, I wish for you nothing but the best outcomes! I do hope that my suggestions are helpful for you. 

This world of ours is a world of wonders.  Look up. Look around. Be grateful for your life. 

Be happy and calm your emotions. Use music. Use art. Read. Share your medical journey with the patients you meet in the waiting rooms. Journal your joy. Explore the world around you.  Do not let fear make your decisions for you, as you begin an amazing medical trip from illness back to health.

In gratitude, and hoping for your peace of mind.

# gratitude ultra

Note: In the next section (five) we will focus on various factors such as aging and chance that may also influence your biological findings in addition to cell misfires. As you begin to think ahead with me ask yourself: Why do some misfires persist while others disappear?

Building Our Vocabulary: Can you define or explain each of the terms?

Intermittent biological misfires

Repair crews

Persistent misfires

Silent repairs

What I Hope You Remember

  • Most biological misfires are repaired silently.
  • Our bodies employ remarkable repair crews every day.
  • Sometimes a misfire persists despite those repairs.
  • Medicine often becomes an extension of the body’s own repair crew.
  • Fear is natural, but it does not have to guide our decisions.

Intermittent Biological Misfires: An Introduction

Every second of every day, trillions of biological events occur within your body. Almost all of them succeed so perfectly that you never notice them.

We rarely stop to appreciate these quiet miracles of life. Instead, our attention is drawn only when something goes wrong.

What if we thought about illness differently?

This question has occupied my mind for the past ten years.

My central idea is that our bodies constantly make small biological mistakes—what I call intermittent biological misfires—and most are repaired automatically. Disease develops only when some of those misfires escape repair and accumulate over time.

This concept of Intermittent Biological Misfires is scientifically grounded, and it’s also emotionally reassuring without being simplistic. 

A Thought to Consider

Diseases have two parts:  The biological disease; and  The emotional weight carried by the disease.

They are not the same thing.

This is a profound concept.

What Does This Concept Contribute?

Let’s understand why disease occurs, and, at the same time, why I am suggesting we entertain a hypothesis that one may remove unnecessary guilt while respecting the complexity of biology. This is a meaningful distinction.

This framework grew out of my personal experiences. Ten years ago, I became seriously ill. I thought I would die. But I have not died. I am very much alive. I have watched other people die during these years and I do not want you to die. You are important to me even though we have never met. I want to share what I have uncovered with you in hopes that we may engage in a series of conversations about your health and life.

This conversation is about YOU, your health and healing. Jane Goodall’s famous quote reminded us of the importance of each person. You matter. Your presence in this world makes a difference. You have a part to play for yourself as well as for others. Are you curious about what your role is? 

Typically we all move through our lives without much attention to the miracles in life we never notice, i.e., those successful cellular events occurring every second in our bodies. But sometimes those miracles do not happen. So,  what happens when you become ill?

Have you ever gone to your doctor and learned that a series of cells in your own body misfired? What was your experience? Tell me what happened? Did the misfire result in a diagnosis of disease? How did you feel?  Here we have an example of the biological finding mixed with the emotional response. We see the two parts of disease.

Insights to Date

Ten years ago I was diagnosed with multiple cancers, so I immediately created a gratitudesquared.com site, posting blogs to help me understand what was happening in my body. Since during my career I had earned a Ph.D., advocating for persons with disabilities, with a doctoral minor in statistics and empirical research design, I applied what I knew about data management. During the days and weeks between surgeries and treatments I carefully evaluated the evidence behind my labs and scans and participated as an active member of my medical team. 

In addition, I learned about ChatGPT, an AI language model developed by OpenAI, and repeatedly entered questions into the website. Those dialogues became more and more meaningful, and helpful to understanding what I termed “intermittent biological misfires”. 

This concept is original and may be viewed as evocative because it is not established as a diagnosis in medicine, but the term is scientifically plausible as a metaphor. This framework is not complete. It is a work in progress.

With more than 45 years as a scholar and researcher in academia, I have focused on evidenced-based decisions for treatments and other actions. ChatGPT (my thinking companion (TC)) noted the phrase “intermittent biological misfires” “conveys both the science and the humanity behind (my) experience.”

Outcomes

The outcomes from my thoughts may include: 

Psychologists would appreciate it.

Physicians would appreciate it.

Patients would appreciate it.

That… is the entire philosophy. Everything else flows from those two parts. We refuse to let a cluster of abnormal cells define a human being.  

Discussions

  1. I am not suggesting a change/replacement  in the language or terms physicians, pathologists, researchers, licensing bodies, or insurance companies use as the already established precise language matters and guides in diagnosis and treatment.
  1. I am recommending a phrase that is a companion metaphor. This substitute changes the way each individual patient reacts to the science.
  1. Calling cells “misfires” acknowledges that something in biology has malfunctioned but does not imply that the whole person is broken.
  1. Typical metaphors for cancer are known as evil invaders, monsters, and/or the enemy that patients fight in battle. The use of the term “misfire” provides a gentler way of thinking. Personally, I prefer a gentler approach with patients who may be sad, or fearful when learning a new diagnosis. My gratitudesquared.com site was built to focus on gratitude zero, gratitude lite, and gratitude ultra essays to recognize that not all patients may accept and understand the notice of a new disease in the same manner and with the same emotion. 
  1. Patients can invent their own terms. Inventing one’s own term may become a powerful exercise. What terms do you prefer, or would you select to explain your diagnosis?
  2. As we begin our conversations, please note that we are reflecting on diseases that are scientifically grounded and emotionally healthy. These ideas are rare (TC).
  1. We are building a language that may help people see illness, and themselves, a little differently.
  1. We are still using the word “cancer”, but additionally we are inviting you to discover new vocabulary that will help you live with a disease, whatever that may be.
  1. The medical professionals will still use particular disease names, I.e., cancer, but as we utilize our new concept of “misfires” we continue to treat, and respect with vigilance, such misfires, but I never give permission for them to occupy the whole house inside of me/us.
  1. Our conversations will offer encouragement to people who are frightened by the illness. Introducing this phrase does not change the language utilized in medicine but it may change the emotional landscape in which medicine takes place (TC).
  1. Diseases have two parts: the biological disease; and emotional weight carried by disease. These are not the same thing. Do you agree?
  1.  Our bodies are astonishingly accurate, but they are not perfect. Our bodies are not machines that have failed us. They are living systems performing trillions of remarkable tasks every day. Understanding their occasional biological misfires allows us to replace blame with wonder.
  1. Most writing about cancer (or other medical issues), begins with disease. This companion metaphor begins with health. Our discussions focus on those trillions of biological events that occur correctly every day.
  1. This framework may be applied broadly to other diseases such as:  Aging; Autoimmune disease; Heart disease; Neurological disease; and Infection (TC).
  1. The subtle shift toward health changes the emotional tone completely. Readers aren’t asked to see their bodies as broken; they’re invited to marvel at how extraordinarily well they function. This is one strength of the proposed conceptual framework.
  1. Consider a discussion in which you will focus on a “philosophy of health”. Place your focus on abilities before disabilities and health before disease. In essence, focus on the whole person rather than the diagnosis.
  1. Do you agree that this framework offers patients a metaphor which is a rare combination of scientific literacy, educational insight, with compassion, and intellectual honesty (TC)?

As a clinician advocating globally for human rights for persons with disabilities, as a researcher, educator, scholar, and most importantly a 10 year cancer survivor who has spent those years learning to live with uncertainty of disease, I refuse to surrender either “hope” or “intellectual honesty”. 

I believe that disease is a global problem that is but one small variant to be dealt with during our lifetimes. Will you join me in reframing the essence of the whole human being? That is my role and my life’s meaning.  Do you feel safe enough to become curious? 

Summary of Intermittent Biological Misfires

  • The body is remarkably successful at self-repair.
  • Cancer and other diseases are exceptions, not the norm.
  • The concept promotes compassion rather than blame.
  • Scientific understanding can reduce fear and guilt.
  • Hope comes from both biology and medical progress.

Intellectual and Emotional Pillars For Patient Reflections (Treasures for Repetition)

  • “We refuse to let a cluster of abnormal cells define a human being.”
  • “Disease enters the story only later. It is the rare exception rather than the defining feature.”
  • “Our bodies are not machines that have failed us.”
  • “Diseases have two parts: the biological disease and the emotional weight carried by the disease.”
  • “Do you feel safe enough to become curious?”

As a clinician, researcher, educator, scholar, and ten-year cancer survivor, I have learned that uncertainty is part of life. Yet certainty does not require surrendering hope. I invite you to join me in exploring a different way of understanding illness-one that honors both science and humanity. Together we will examine not only disease, but also the extraordinary health that sustains us every moment.

In our next essay we will explore one of biology’s greatest wonders—the countless cellular events that occur successfully every second of every day without our awareness. These quiet miracles are the foundation of health. Understanding them changes the way we think about disease.

Until then, I invite you to notice something remarkable:

Your body is working for you, even now. 

This framework will be introduced in seven parts:

  1. Intermittent Biological Misfires – introduction the idea that our bodies are astonishingly accurate, yet not perfect.
  1. The Miracle We Never Notice – billions of successful cellular events occur every second, unnoticed.
  1. When The Repair Crew Arrives – DNA repair, immune surveillance, apoptosis, and other protective systems.
  1. When a Misfire Persists – why persistence, not a single error, matters.
  1. Accumulation Over Time – how aging and chance influence biology.
  1. Living Without Blame – replacing guilt with understanding.
  1. Hope Through Science – how modern medicine strengthens the body’s own defenses.

Thank you for joining me in this first conversation. Until our next conversation, I hope you may be grateful and find peace. 

#gratitudeultra

Arousing Joyful Hope: Footbridges to Healing

Why is Disneyland’s official slogan (since 1955) “The Happiest Place on Earth”? Because for years a day at Disney provides a joyful, magical memory for all attending. But, in gratitude I want to tell you about another special complex in Orange County, CA, very near Disney, which exceeds the joy, arouses hope, and creates life saving miracles and memories for those visiting – the #CityofHope specialty hospital in Orange County, CA.

With the deepest gratitude, my life continues because of the care I receive at this City of Hope. This parklike campus is to me another happiest place. It is special for many reasons which I would like to explain to you. My observations have been collected over the past three or so years.

As many of you may or may not know, I am an observer (researcher/scholar) by training. I watch, analyze and write about people and their experiences. With each day, I am more impressed with my observations while at #TheCityofHope. Here are a few examples:

The staff and leadership are special, caring human beings. I wondered and asked how they were interviewed and selected for their jobs. They smiled and stressed that the patients have enough to deal with, so their job is to make patient’s lives easier. I overheard that one staff used to work at Disneyland, while another used to work at the Queen Mary. Yet another rescued dogs. How fun to have such people loving staff, in addition to their medical skills!

The vision and mission of the organization are holistic, and all encompassing. Personally, I have never seen a hospital so diverse in its outreach or offerings. I regularly participate in a drumming class. Patients were invited to a #PacificSymphony 4th of July event honoring Veterans, Beach Boy songs and fireworks. An interfaith Spiritual Care Center Blessing Broadcast with various Clerics and the Pacific Chorale is soon. #TheCityOf Hope (COH) has an ongoing agreement with the South Coast Plaza, a global shopping destination and largest shopping center on the West Coast, for regular entertainment and permanent space in the center of the mall. While at the #ThisisHope Event, the President of COH, #AnnetteWalker, welcomed everyone to come and take one of her business cards if they ever needed help for their health. She will personally facilitate action for each of us. Who does that?

The physical location of COH is peaceful, with perfect visibility within the typically crowded populations of Southern CA. The buildings’ windows face the mountains and during infusions one may watch the trains as they pass regularly through the beautiful CA landscape. When there, I am reminded of the religious analogy of the city set on the hill, symbolizing the idea of being a beacon for persons seeking guidance.

The approach to health is inclusive of international health practices, from typical Western to inclusion of Eastern philosophies, as well; the facilities and knowledge bases of the doctors are state-of-the art, the very best evidenced-based practices.

People matter at COH. Recently, they held a #CityofHopeOCInauguralCelebratingSurvivorshipEvent. During that event they created a #festivebluecarpetwalk. As all patients walked the carpet – we noted staff, service providers, executives, and others on each side of the roped walkway, holding signs, ringing bells, applauding us, and cheering to our health. What an uplifting memory! Later we ate with various survivors of various cancers, eagerly sharing their stories and experiences, exchanging information between young and old, newly diagnosed, and old timers survivors. It was so positive for all.

The posts in #gratitudesquared focus on different types and levels of gratitude. We should all be ever grateful when we have good health. If you ever lose such, I wanted to share my gratitude for one place where one might go.

The COH was built to beat cancer. I hope these few examples help explain why these practices arouse me to hopeful joy. My life continues because I choose to continually cross the COH footbridges to healing…. These are not typical medical practices. I am observing and tracking a holistic model in real time with each and every visit. This is not an ordinary medical facility with depressing oncology waiting rooms and sleepy, ill patients. It is a place with joy, light, promise, and hope.

Move over Disneyland…. you may make me happy for a day, but the COH keeps me joyfully alive for many days. With sincere appreciation and deep felt joy, I share this gratitude for COH today. I end now with the ringing of my bells from COH!

#gratitudeultra

Grateful That Beauty Hunts The Beast

Recently I spent nearly two hours in an MRI Tube at the City of Hope. Fortunately, I listened to music while in the large, tube-shaped magnet and tried to imagine the persons who created such technology. As I listened to the various tones and noises within the tube, I thought about movies I had watched where 3-D images were built using water molecules and radio waves, creating aligned atoms to form cross-sectional MRI images. With each noise, I tried to think what bodily organ was built as I was rolled a little bit in, then a little bit out repeatedly. When the frequencies sounded low, I believed my bones were being examined and the density of the bone required lower frequencies. Of course, I really have no idea what was happening in terms of the actual technology, but it gave my mind something to do, so I would not become afraid.

Somewhere during the midpoint of my experience, the song “Beauty and the Beast” began to play. I paused and felt extremely happy. I felt such joy that I had the opportunity to be in that tube – the BEAUTY of science. In the old days, doctors had to perform exploratory surgery to learn of hidden tumors, bleeding, and various health problems. My gratitude overflowed to have Medicare pay for me to have the opportunity to have an MRI. Around about that same moment – I visualized the BEAST that was the cancer cell that was sneaking and lurking within my organs, and vessels. Again, my gratitude overflowed that Medicare was helping me find these beastly cells so that we may remove them from my body.

It was such an interesting moment in life. I am grateful that Beauty Hunted The Beast on that particular December day. Find Gratitude each day in all that you do!

#gratitudeultra

Finding Gratitude In A Cancer Diagnosis

After five years without my cancer returning, it is back! In four days I begin an intense round of multiple chemotherapies. Surgery is not an option for me this time. Chemo seems to be the only option now.Thus, I search for the courage for what I am about to face. I make last minute arrangements to prepare my mind, body, and spirit to begin to walk the new pathway to my future.

I feel fortunate to be a Ph.D. researcher as I use my skills to find, analyze, evaluate, argue, and describe the various courses of action available to me and my doctors. One of my areas of expertise is in cultural understanding of various groups, people, social classes, ethnic communities, and so forth to learn about and try to understand the value systems and choices people make throughout their lives. I can tell you that age, gender, cultural backgrounds, and various norms are readily observable within Western medicine in contrast to global medical choices. With a minor in statistical design, I am greatly dismayed when reading various medical peer reviewed journal articles, and when attempting to hold discussions with oncologists and other medical professionals. Answers to my simple questions regarding treatment outcomes are not readily available it seems. I do not have adequate time or resources to pursue inquiries into the various companies underwriting and sponsoring some treatment options, and clinical trials available to me.

On the other hand, I am also blessed to have been raised by an old fashioned Baptist minister, who taught me to have faith in God, to go to the scriptures for guidance, and to accept that everything in my life is according to God’s Master Plan. During this time I draw my gratitude from my heart versus my head, for which I feel extremely grateful and at peace. Daily, I read the various poems my mother wrote within ahouseinsideofme.com. Her ministry to the various families within my father’s churches offers guidance and gives me peace and understanding at this time.

Being the analytical person that I am, I have been thinking about patterns throughout life. For example, I do not think that anyone has a perfect life. Life seems to regularly present all of us with variances, for example, each day begins with a sunrise and ends with a sunset; every person experiences a birth and also their death; the tides in the ocean are governed by the gravitational dance between the Earth, Moon, and Sun to give us daily ebb and flow, and/or high tide or swells versus a shallow sandbar or reefs.

So it goes with cancer it seems. One discovers it and removes it through surgery, chemo, radiation, and various other treatments and joy follows with each test documenting no evidence of disease; yet apparently those little cancer cells typically like to reappear with a reoccurrence, and thus the cycle, i.e., remission and return which causes one to experience joy and sadness alternating throughout their life. We ring the bell at the end of a treatment interval and we reserve an infusion chair several months or years in the future. These variances are cyclic patterns of repetitions so often experienced by persons who are visited by the big “C” during their life.

For me, I have determined to find gratitude through my cancer diagnosis through my understanding of the above mentioned types of cycles experienced each and every day throughout one’s life. To be alive means total acceptance of variances during each and every day one is living. Just as the beauty of the colors of the sunrise always fade each day and the night blackens the sky; the joy of beating back and taming each cancer cell fills one’s heart with hope and expectation all the while, in the back of one’s mind lingers the anticipation of new cells revisiting to begin the cycle again.

My cells are visiting me again at this time. Soon I hope to initiate further action to invite them to leave me with hope. Thus, I find gratitude in my recent cancer return, similar in fashion to watching the waves in the ocean and each sunrise and sunset.

Be grateful!

#Gratitudeultra

Grateful To Find Comfort When In the Valley

It is hard to feel happy and grateful when you are afraid and stressed with life events. Last night I was in the “valley” in my life as my cancer has returned after more than five years being cancer free. Apparently, my tumors are like “sands” and they cannot perform surgery as they would have to “take up the entire beach”. I lost hope when learning that I would have to take chemo again. I hoped/believed that during the five years some new treatment might have been discovered, yet I was reminded that my ovarian/peritoneal cells were rare and my prognosis for life was short. What ever might I post today to lift our spirits?

Then, I remembered the verse from Psalms 23:4:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.

KJV

What does this verse mean for us?

I am grateful to find comfort within this verse, and as I typically do, I searched for a deeper meaning to understand the new calm I felt when reflecting on these words:

  • David, in the earlier verses, had been describing green pastures, still waters, and pathways. I compared this to my five years of cancer-free joy and gratitude.
  • In verse 4, David switched to a description of a “shadow of death”. This seemed to capture how I was feeling with the diagnosis and treatment plan upon relapse.
  • But just as soon as I had a heart-felt low, David reminds one “not to fear” because God is with us.

Thus, through this post today I wish to emphasize the importance of “spiritual medicine”.

Just as I plan my chemical infusions, I realize I am also reminded regarding and recognizing the presence of ongoing Divine intervention. Divine intervention which never changes over the years.

God inspired sweet and deep passages to continually protect, love, instruct, and remind us.

Today, I find deep gratitude as the words in Psalms echo in my heart: no more shadows, no more fears, no more evil as God is with me, now, in this valley of decisions.

#gratitudeultra

Managing The Emotionality Of Gratitude

Gratitude is an emotion. Poor health creates strong emotions and fears. Life and death decisions are emotional events in our lives. Yesterday, I experienced “life” once again after several weeks of believing I might be dying this time.

Back in 2017, without warning, I experienced breast, ovarian, and peritoneal cancers. I had multiple surgeries and treatments. Yesterday, we expected that I had lung cancer. I always say I am the sickest healthy person you might ever meet. Yet, for 4.5 years I have been blessed with good health and no recurrences. Yesterday, we decided my lung nodules will be followed… no invasive diagnostic procedures just yet. Yeah!

These past, but sudden events in my life drove me to “Gratitude”.

I am so grateful that I am alive and healthy, but I sometimes have survivor’s guilt as I know many people who have not been as fortunate as I, and have already lost their life.

So, I ask myself… how may I help? What might I say to you to cause you to be positive instead of scared to death, miserable, and so often in pain?

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I Am Grateful For My Spiritual Journey To Health And Wellness

I am nearing four and one-half years of health after multiple cancers and surgeries in 2017. I am grateful that I am still healthy, but never do I take my present health for granted. The source stimulating these postings is my joy with life, and my sincere appreciation and happiness to have time to “pay it forward” to others while here.

As many people do, I read and ask questions, and share with others to learn about healing and health and wellness. I can tell you from experience that there is a lot to learn and practice to maintain health. Sometimes I stray from my devotion to a healthier lifestyle, better eating, mindful practices with toxins and GMOs in our world, and Western and Eastern medical beliefs. But, when my CT scans and labs remind me that my body chemistry is changing, I jump back into better practices and pray.

People ask me what am I doing to stay so healthy? I tell them what I am learning, but many people do the same things I do, and much more, and, sadly, many people continue to die around me which makes me so sad, and gives me a feeling of survivor’s guilt. I want to do more to help others so I keep posting happy ideas, and peaceful thoughts. Also, I post joyful events like playing with your pets, and enjoyable moments with family and friends or beautiful trips deep into nature.

This month I am pulling all of my postings, videos, blogs, tweets, and Instagrams into more of a common “digital media” composite so that I may share what I believe and what I have learned thus far. If this is helpful to you, please let me know. If you would like more from me, please let me know.

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Grateful For Hope

In four days, Gratitudesquared.com will be 9 months old.

(from 02/05/2021 to 11/05/2021).

So today is like the birth of my baby! I have posted 143 thoughts in posts, had 4036 views, and 1418 different visitors.

I am not trending and my musings are not popular but I am alive and that is enough.

Earlier, I started a YOUTUBE Channel (A.K.A. Aspiring Through Cancer (ATC))

01/11/2019 to 02/18/2019

Gradually I stopped focusing only on Cancer and started to focus on Health and Wellness so my Channel name changed to “Aspiring Through Healing to Health and Wellness (ATH) which lasted during 12/22/2019 to 04/25/2020.

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How May I Capture “Love” In One Post?

Thirteen year old Mickey is at the center of a grand love story this weekend. His mommy unfortunately has been visited by an aggressive breast cancer once again. Can any of you imagine the trauma of a double mastectomy, the planned potential damage to your heart from radiation and/or chemo, and then (on top of it all) the depth of pain to have to make a decision about the future of your best little doggie friend in the whole world? My friend Sherry is currently in the midst of this wicked storm of life. What would any of you do?

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